Toby was eight years old and playing little league baseball. His dad was really excited and believed baseball would teach his son lots of important life lessons. He remembered little league as one of the best experiences of his life. Toby’s dad bought him all the gear – bat, glove, practice gear – and he bought a new glove for himself.
Toby had practice twice a week at a school about 15 minutes from home. After 4-5 practices, Toby started dragging his feet before practice, complaining that it wasn’t any fun and he’d rather stay home. Only a few of Toby’s friends were on the team, and he said he didn’t like the kids on the team. He also said he didn’t like the coach because he was “always yelling at us.”
Toby’s dad came home early one day to take him to the practice. Toby refused to go, and his dad exploded. “You made a commitment to the team and to me! You can’t quit now. Nobody in this family is a quitter!” he yelled. The dad gathered up all the gear and grabbed Toby by the arm and led him to the car, put him in the back seat and drove to the practice.
Toby started crying in the car, but his dad wouldn’t relent. Toby went through the motions at practice, but it was clear his heart wasn’t in it. That made his dad even madder because he interpreted the lack of effort as rebellion. Toby and his dad rode home from practice in silence, interrupted only by an occasional lecture from dad.
When they got home, mom knew something had gone wrong, and she questioned dad. Dad admitted that he might have overreacted but asked, “What about commitment? What is he learning from quitting?” Mom knew enough to wonder why this relatively minor event had become such a big deal. She suspected there was something deeper behind dad’s anger. So she said, “Take a couple of minutes and think. Why are you so angry?”
Dad spent a good 15 minutes and sheepishly said to mom, “You know, every time the parents get together, we talk nonstop about sports and which kids are the most talented. The Baker’s son Jason is usually the hot topic. I think I wanted a little of that attention for Toby. I’ve got some apologizing to do.”
