There’s no denying the reach of social media these days, and your kids are a big part of the revolution. Kids are Facebooking, Tweeting, and YouTubing in staggering numbers. And the development of social media has come so quickly that it has left many parents wondering how to manage these new methods of communication.
For parents, there is a further problem. Most kids old enough to use social media are going through a developmental period call “individuation” where they are trying to find out who they are and what kind of adult they will become. God is moving them from being an enmeshed part of a family to an individual who will “leave and cleave” to another, and start a family of his or her own. Social media provides a unique and almost anonymous way for a kid to try on different identities in a way that seems harmless, but can actually have very great consequences.
Of course, trying to keep your kids from using social media is probably not going to work, either. The Internet is available everywhere. When you forbid your child to have access, you run the risk of making it more attractive. And social media is becoming such a big part of our world that you may be doing a disservice to your kids if you don’t help them learn to use it responsibly.
So what can parents do to protect their kids from the worst of social media?
First, learn about social media first hand. Ask your kids to show you how it works and help you set up your own accounts. Establish an online profile you are willing for the world to see. Become your kids’ “friend” and let them know that you’ll be monitoring their posts (assure them you won’t be posting comments on their pages – you’ll just be watching for inappropriate or dangerous content).
Second, help your kids understand that “Stranger Danger” is no different in the virtual world than in the real world – strangers are lurking, trying to lure kids into their clutches. Make sure they know to alert an adult if a stranger tries to make contact. Become familiar with the privacy settings and use them to protect your kids.
Third, talk to your kids about using good judgment in posting things online, and the consequences of poor judgment. Make a point of discouraging kids from gossiping, spreading rumors, bullying, or damaging someone’s reputation. Emphasize that everything posted on the Internet can be shared with the entire world. Teach the principle that if you wouldn’t say it in real life, don’t say it online.
Fourth, move computers out of private areas, such as bedrooms. Computers in private are more likely to be abused. Move them to a common area, where everyone can see the screen (you might want to include yourself as an example). Kids are less likely to do anything they shouldn’t if you can see the screen at any time.
Next, set time limits for Internet and cell phone use, and learn the warning signs of trouble: skipping activities, meals or homework, weight loss or gain, or a drop in grades. If these issues are occurring because your child is online when they should be eating, sleeping, or participating in school or social activities, you may have a problem.
Using social media is a privilege. Tell your kids they can be online as long as they are willing for you to monitor them. Have a plan, and be sure you follow through. Check chat logs, e-mails and profile pages for inappropriate friends, messages, and images. Use the parental controls that are available from Internet service providers, Google Desktop, and other commercial providers. If you can turn off access to the Internet, such as unplugging a wireless router, use it to limit the times of use. Cell phones can be turned in to mom and dad at bedtime. Be transparent and let your kids know what you are doing.The truth is social media is an increasingly important part of our lives.
Like so many things, there are positive and negative aspects. Learning to enjoy the positives and steer clear of the negatives is a skill you can help your children learn, and that can be applied to many areas of their lives. Resolve to help your kids learn how to use social media in a healthy, God-honoring way.
About Chris Groff
